nostalgia

It's pouring outside: seems Indra, the hindu god of thunder and rain, isn't happy today. Strong wind and rain, what a combination. I always loved rain. I don't know why, but if you ask me which weather I would prefer more: I would chose Monsoon. In my opinion, the rain makes such a wonderful music when water hits the ground and there's prism of lights, too many colors to chose.

This rain and thunder do remind me of you. First time when we met, it was raining like hell and you came with an umbrella to pick me up. That was so hilarious especially your long umbrella, like the one old black umbrella people used to carry back ages ago. Today it's raining like it did then. Probably it's shining in your place now: sun and sand. Yes, I remember you saying so and I even have gift you got for me from that land. Silly me, I haven’t used it at all. It's still packed like it was when you gave me. 

Haha sometimes song reminds me of you and sometimes it's the smell. Sometimes I wonder if we had given shot, could we have made it? I know both of us were more worried about coming days than the present ones. We never pursued but still whenever I try to remember those messages you sent me, I get this question: why didn't we? Remember the most funny and sweet one was the quote from Brida (funny I don't remember it though), it was copied-pasted but still it did touch my heart. I still loved those days of sitcoms, thesis data analysis and mere fooling and nothing else. Those days of surprises and you never got tired of my endless babbles.

Now things have changed and someone has taken your place. I don't know if it's same with you, but you acted more as stern and confident and never shared me except denials.  I heard rumours after all. But the last statement that you said to me in person still bring laughter: If only you were not in relationship.

Memories are to cherish. And suddenly it made me nostalgic today.

peanut-sized mind

I was with this friend who happen to be narcissist when it comes to photography. His other friends were also there and one of his friend commented about his new profile picture on FB. She said though the picture itself is awesome there's one funny thing about it. Like me, he too was curious, to find what that funny thing is. Upon insisting she remarked that if only his face is considered its "Gayish" as his expression is similar to of "gay expression", hence funny. I wanted to slap her right away but hold myself from doing so.

What is this gay expression anyway? Do expressions also follow sexual orientation pattern? You raise your eye to right and that is "straight expression" but if you do so in left that's "gay" - is there such thing? Can you just tell  looking at photographs and expression who are gay and who are not? If you can, my Good Samaritan  where had you been hiding?

People are so stereotyped. 

early morning post

Have you ever woken up with fear of some unnecessary words in your automatic reply setting having potential to destroy your email-image? I did today and result: I am online early in the morning and writing this note. I don't have any idea why I put that stupid word in first place, but nevertheless I have corrected it. Was the fear of grammatical shame that woke me up or long sleeping hours did it's magic? Hmmm a food for thought.

On other stuffs, yesterday was Sid's B'day. Yes, Happy Birthday Sid. He was too busy with his family circles and new gadget so no meeting with him. Hopefully today (will you?). But the fact is I haven't got anything for him yet. Yes, I am still in dilemma. I have to give something which he will really like and enjoy having it. He has already warned me to release the spoiler so that he doesn't have to falsely proclaim how much he liked it. There are 3 options at the moment.

1. Sweater: Once we were roaming around and he liked one sweater made of "Newzeland Wool". We had a look but didn't buy then. 
2. A souvenir cycle
3. Shades: He loved it but the store guy hasn't got it yet from abroad. 

I hope he won't have change in heart when I give him any of these. Once again, Happy B'day. Love you :D

.....

Hello Ms. cynicism, you succeeded.

Yes, sometimes days just turn out to be better than expected without any achievement and so it might turn blue. No reasons, just feel gloomy. My bottle of optimism is running low i guess. Nothing has happened, no fights with Sid, No arguments with friends, No family drama nor bad day at work (fingers crossed). Still I feel somewhat like a lost child.

As i try to dig the reason, i am still empty handed. Probably it has to do with expectations that fall short and I find myself in the whirlpool of exceptions questioning relevance of those same expectations. Yes i don't understand my own expectations and if you ask me to state them, i would be in loss of words. But I always had this attitude of "I don't have any expectations" but how wrong I was. Is it you or them who taught me to build expectations? I have no answers and as I reflect myself in mirror, I see only me as the culprit.Have you ever felt same way or is it just my mind possessed by devil?

Wish you were here with me. Probably one more expectation. But I got Adele and she is even more depressed.
Need a good meal!!

Aftermath: you know me

I admit exam is the one and only reason for lack of posts in this blog. No, no its the truth.
But is it?
Once you are aware of being read or observed, suddenly your approach changes. There are few things probably I could have mentioned in past few days, but I held back. Why? Suddenly i felt, probably I don't want to answer and best, use self restraint. (the word recently i memorized for my exam purpose.)
2 exams have gone well (I believe so) and unless some conspiracy happens and whole department wish to fail me, I would get decent marks I suppose. Once 2 more are struck down and do something about the Thesis, I will be a happy graduate :)
Oh talking about exam, one business idea came in our mind. The reality is this idea pops up every exam time and dies with the end of exam. The basic idea is: the subject I am pursuing lacks good books and no you can't find Guess Paper or Nima's Old is Gold. Not are there Guides. So we thought why not work in a team, take some chapters and produce one quality note and share the benefit. We all have agreed to the idea and I hope this time we keep our promise. Some of my friends have back papers and they would need it I am sure, unless I too flunked this year. So hopefully this idea of note business would materialize. Otherwise can you believe the note I have says still Pakistan is ruled by Poor Musharraf with mustache hehe :P 

A time traveller

I wish I were a time traveller. Then I would travel to future and get the questions paper, come back to present and study real hard. Since few days my mind is filled with constant flow of information making my head go wild. Shit, I still have to do lots, lots of study. No I haven't met Sid since last 4 days :(

I wish there were nothing called exams!!

CoC for bloggers? Please eat cow first!

Once upon a time, when I was a kid and used to play football in our neighborhood with around 8-10 people. When we won we used to feel the whole neighborhood won and when we lost I used to be scared of looking at people's eye wondering have i shamed them?

Seems i grew up but not the neighborhood (please read Nepal). According to some people, 10 people signed so called Code of Conduct on behalf of all bloggers. And I didn't know there was this organization called BLOGAN (blogger's association of Nepal) who can represent me. And i had my blast when i read one point which say - Avoid conflict of interest – clearly disclose my position including job, financial interest, affiliation and relationship if they related to the post OR maintain an detailed About Me page!

Hahah now you are kidding me! If I wanted to be known to the world, wouldn't i be desperately trying to write for Kantipur or New York Times? Why would i be wasting my time here. If you need my resume, simply email me i will get back to you. 

The funny thing is, I had heard about it few times back but never gave damn thought. Seems they are just trying to stop me abusing some people :P Then I would say, bring it on.

You don't allow me going round to flirt and date and now you try to control how i think as well? Pleaaaaaseeeeee!

If only 2012 was real

Probably the world is going to end in 2012, if only i could see the future. When the little bird called exam decides to nestle down on your head, all you can think is of exam but you are too lazy to do anything. Hence, you wish for apocalyptic vision. If I knew if the world is indeed going to fall apart then why should i waste my precious time tugging with the book?

I wonder if i know the end of the world day what would i do?   Lets scratch down something:

• Do scuba diving. True, don't have enough money to afford Sharm-el-Sheikh for that but definitely can afford Pokhara. I hear they are now providing underwater diving in Fewa Lake or Begnas Lake. But what would i see there? Plastics???
• Go out somewhere travelling, possibly GOA, with friends for last ride and enjoy like never before. Yes, without all the dramas and actions that comes with vacation :P Anyway Who knows our plan to go there celebrating marriage of another friend might yield result or not. 
• Learn riding Bike and get one as well. Duh- I know, pathetic me. If could learn it then I would persuade Sid to go for long drive, possibly up to Laddakh. I hear it's a sheer beauty. Driving to Himalayas in our country would be herculean task and of course we can't carry it while we climb up up Kalikot :P
• Make a home video of you know what. Hahaha if the world doesn't end and i screwed up with all possible opportunities, this could be my THE NEXT BIG THING hahahahaha. Yes i was just kidding. Was I? Yes, yes :P

What else would you do?

Somewhere

.......... Somewhere over the rainbow

Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?

Harry Nilsson - Over the Rainbow

cover, blow up!

Seriously, the world is a funny place to live. When you want everyone to know you, no one gives a damn and when you want to hide from all the flash-lights, suddenly karma plays bitch and you become a celebrity. You remember Govind tiwari, a twitter-made celebrity? Probably he tried for ages to be known and luck has something else in store for him. But suddenly the short-lived fame graced him making "You-know-who" overnight.

Same thing happened to me as well. I tried to be anonymous but some silly acts and comments led to revelation of cover. Probably Osama also thought same when special squad stormed his residence is Pakistan (can't even remember the place name). So lets just say I had Osama moment when one of my friend actually found the blog and had such a CIA mind, he could piece together everything to find out it's me and my rant all along. I always knew he was CIA or at least MI5 agent (you know who, and i am quiet sure now you begin to read it, flicking through wondering if there will be new post).

So now my theory is, no matter how much you try to hide, your cover will blow-up someday. I am just waiting to know how long the hacker's group Anonymous or Luiz-whatever would hide in their hole.

But am I afraid or mad about being in limelight? Hell no, why would I be. In some way I am glad that the cover blew up (the only worry is now there will be intense question answer round for the things I don't even want to remember or talk about someone and make him have hiccups in the middle of Caribbean).

Things happen for best reason and doesn't matter whether the world turns upside down or green, I am always hopeful I will have my share of smile and be evil green goblin :P

Huhhahahahahahuuhhh (please read this as an evil laugh)