100th Post

Never imagined I would reach 100th post but here i am, writing this 100th post remembering last 99 posts full of complains, bitchings, few dreams, few happiness, few tears and what not. But this have been a helluva ride for sure. These posts have contained all those memories I have shared with my friends, amazing people and the moments i have lived. Whenever i feel low, i start reading old posts and i feel that happiness and content, these words hardly can describe.

When I started this blog in September 2011, I thought to remain anonymous  but then few people including my  friends stumbled upon it. Though my plan to be anonymous didn't work well but my plan to keep recording my emotions would keep continue. So i will try to keep it alive no matter what happens but also who has seen the future anyway? I hope i would not lose the itching of writing and keep this blog filled with what i feel about everything and anything.

But one thing i always feel is, what if i could read thoughts of another gay nepali like me? Probably i could relate more :) Just a thought! 

travel and the test

He is travelling... to the paradise! I am just getting jealous seeing his pictures and descriptions. The sea, sand and the sun: how much I wish for. Hopefully together we can make it this year, leaving behind something that both of us can cherish for long time to come. Another wishlist, but who knows when dream come true after all.

I am travelling,.... to the slave land. Well i am travelling for work, so i called it so. no other meanings. But good thing, i will be meeting AK :)

Since last few weeks, i have been contemplating of going for HIV test. Of course, I am kinda nervous. I asked AK if his hospital offers the service and we had a length of talk on the issue. He is scared about the test even more than I am. His point is, 'I have always been careful so I don't think I have to worry and but still about going for test I am scared'. But I told him, a test would never do bad. Denial is the biggest hurdle we all have to face. Coming back to me, have i been careful enough? Mistakes have happened but they were the ones I trusted, at time more than myself. But in this today's world, can just a trust hold everything together? I must go and get tested, I know that. Probably after coming back from the trip. Strange, the fear is trying to shimmer deep down somewhere.

Hopefully I won't be that stupid in coming days! Safety comes first :P

Ending my crazy head's story with a joke.

Rate how bad was your breakup on the scale of:
1 - Adele.

hahaha :P

just a potpourri

I seriously wish I were a time traveler. I miss him so badly even though i was pretty prepared for this. As A said I am reading more than i should in these last few days.

Have lost considerable weight compared to 2 months back. No, it's not because of his departure (well probably partly, yes) but now i have decided i need to gain some kgs before everyone says 'you have become too skinny'. And did I tell you i have turned into veggie now. Well probably my friends think it's because of him (he is also one) but no it has nothing to do with him. Just felt like i am having too much of negative thought, probably time has come for detoxification by avoiding meat, as in meat form. So there I go, a veggie for few weeks and lets see where it goes. Of course i could see disappointment in my mother's face.

All good things must come to an end.

Has time come for this one as well? I am just wondering.

Thinking…..thinking… crazy stories in my head but hey, I am getting some leads from you too.

Do I want to talk about it to anyone? What next after the talks? Does it even matter talking about it? Probably a smile would do better than the tears.

Pain of distance. Hardly 5 days and everything is shaking. In my head or in reality: still confused.

When reality and dreams fuse together: all you are left with is confusion. Probably some dreams remain dream only!

Also why things have to be so complicated? Is it us who make it so or it's indeed a complication?

Can anyone answer? Hello????

31 days more to find out the answers!

Goodbye, at least for few weeks!

Hey Erik, Goodbye...
                            For another 37 days.........
                                                                   Reminding one chilling reality
All this could be permanent...........

Sooner or later!

Yes, he is gone to explore the South-East Asia.

And suddenly i feel empty. Like a fisherman who throws his fishnet hoping to get some fish with high hopes but realizes it has nothing but it's own thread. I am like that fisherman at this moment. Of course, you call me fisherman anyway!

I didn't want to see you go inside that departure gate, so i said bye and last time i saw you, you were waiting in line, wondering what lies ahead. At this moment while I am writing this post, probably you are wondering around the streets of Bangkok, checking stuffs and what not. Devil inside me often gets worried of the encounter that lies ahead but the magical 3 words that you spoke while saying me bye soothes 'halo' side of me. Does everyone feel that same evil sense of insecurity even though you know the person you are seeing off would be back to you as you bid adieu (hopefully, see i am that skeptical) or accept that fact that whatever happens in travel days, stays with the past?

After seeing him off at the airport, came back to join the gang for a hindi romcom movie. The movie for sure reminded me of you. Bad idea to see romantic movie hahaha but hey, i enjoyed it though! Apart from the movie, after a month again i learned riding the bike. Last time i learned was the day I met you. After brushing up some of my driving skills, i had gone to Prash's house. He and his GF were busy with some gadget when i saw you online and started talking. Remembering that day now I  laugh at how we ended up meeting in next one hour or so. I was surprised when you responded to my coffee offer with 'now', so I said Prash that i am going home. Later he was mad at me for lying to him but hey, i did go to home  before coming to meet you.  I had never imagined we would kick off so soon and things could go to this level.

Things happen for good reason! :)

wishing for world without the borders

First post of Month of Love. Makes me wonder how would the future folds in. How lucky would i be in love?

Currently out of the valley, far away from Erik. for work. And he is going away on Saturday. He said, 'I felt so bad that i am leaving you for 40 days but then realised it might not be that long given the situation i might not be able to live with you for 7 months a year'.

What if the world was a home, where borders are not demarcated and where no visa was needed to travel and live?

His mom is excited about us and will be here soon. I hope i could impress her, making her realise i am the best choice he ever made :-)