the big hiatus

I thought i had another way out. Another medium to express. Or may be i thought there was no need. Many things happened in this past year, particularly:

1. I came out to my mother. And her reaction: i think she hates him and blames him. She handled pretty well than i thought she would but still things are not all right in the paradise. We all live together now but this is becoming a challenge to manage. She doesn't treat him well and this affects him a lot. And i become a sandwich. I don't know if its the time that needs for healing or another sage talks or separation: but she needs to learn and accept of who i am and also accept him as a part of mine.
2. Difficult year for us: it was a difficult year for us. We both have jobs and things like this or that, but stress that's coming out of everything is having impact, particularly on him, which becomes difficult to manage sometimes. How someone handles the emotions are different to each, but i feel sometimes he becomes weak in handling those negative emotions as a result we both suffer. I know he is faraway from his friends, families and et. al. and he doesn't have big circle of friends here as well which is a big source of problems as he has hardly other options to channel these emotions. Result: he expects me to lead and support him in handling which i cannot take all the load. I think this failure in expectations vs. reality often comes back to bite both of us. In addition, cultural differences still plays difficult role amongst us even after 3 years. 
3. etc:

Looking to the future: Surviving 3 years is a milestone but how long it can go on, i don't know. I mean honestly, its not like those early days when we used to feel so lovey-dovey, and often there are times when we get bored, we get bitchy and we get angry. But then there are the moments also which outshines everything bringing smiles and happiness. The main thing is: there is that passion that wants us to go forward and be there in support when needed. May be this is how married life looks like: mixture of sunny days and thunderstorms.

I wonder how people survive 30 years of marriages, i definitely need some tips.

A tale

A boy and a girl are playing in the open field; a cycle approaches them and hits the girl. The girl begins to cry and boy is very scared. One man rushes towards them, scolds the cycle and threatens of action.

The boy is walking with the man in the middle of bazar. The boy wants to eat chocolate but the man explaining what could be result of eating lot of chocolate offers him a choice: a chocolate or juice. But the boy chooses chocolate.

The same boy and the man are somewhere at the temple and the man is explaining the social context and history of architecture styles used in temples. Fascinated, the boy is listening to every account; facts, myths and legends of the history.

The man shares the secret of happiness telling availability of the choice, which mankind always had, is what makes us good or bad and making good choice always requires great deal of compassion.

Flash forward: the boy wakes up and is surprised to his the girl next to his bed. Crying the girl tells boy that the man would never come back again. Like the angle of the stories he heard, he must have fulfilled his purpose and returned back with one-way ticket.

Today, I thank that man who shaped my life and made me who I am. Happy Father's Day!

Thank you dad!

Might is right!

I should stop doubting that!

Nowadays I am being annoyed by the events that have absolutely no connection to me, even remotely. The more I read about these events, the more restless I become. Is hypocrisy so darling? I was happy when he was elected US president but then now I wonder what could have been worst if another guy had won the election. [Note that I don't have any voting rights for US nor I would get/lose any benefits or whatsoever in either scenario.] 

When my rational mind has free time to wonder, I am seeking answers to questions:

·         How can any state bypass it's own values and advocacy for transparency by eavesdropping it's own citizens? And when these are exposed, how can any state, claiming to be a guardian of democracy and freedom of expression, try to brutally supress exposure of it's wrongdoings in the name of national security? Look what's happening to us, look what happened to Snowden.

·         Is blood of Baharainian less worthy than of Libyans or Egyptians? Are their cries for freedom less important than those of other Arabs? Then why this difference? Isn't the value of freedom, democracy and equality same everywhere regardless of own interest and oils?

·         You do not give right to women even for going out alone just because they are women and you talk about supporting uprisings for democracy and freedom?

·         Who is guiltier? Manning or those exposed killing innocent Iraqis or Vietnamese or Libyans or Palestinians? If you prosecute someone for exposing wrongdoings then why not those who initiate false pretext to invade other countries initiating killings in the name of freedom and equality?

·         How can you talk about moral superiority, values and justification when you yourself helped gassing of thousands of Iranians or Vietnamese and none are ever prosecuted for that?

I am not wondering about the actions of Americans only. The list goes on; British, French, Spanish, Qataris, Saudis, Indian, Chinese…………

Do we have to be chameleon to succeed even in everyday real life of common men? Otherwise

·         How can a new billionaire talks about duty to build nation when he himself evades tax and worst of it, tries to benefit from various loopholes?

·         How can you demand right to cheat customers, adulterate food and water, immunity for wrong doing?

·         And still talk of rule of law!

Yes, hypocrisy!!!

And this happens when you have might. Rest will fall exactly where you want them to.

why don't i post regularly?

Once upon a time, a dog showed up. He thought it was cute but i wasn't ready to buy that. 'I don't want to have a dog', i said. He listened and told me to make decision. I did! And now there is 'the' conflict because that was not what he expected.

Was dog just symbol of what coming up next? Do i think of not having shared responsibility as he suggested? Too many questions but sometimes answers are the elusive ones.

When you are sad, you have plenty to rant about but then sometimes you don't.

Answers lies in question!

P.S. I hope the dog survived the night! I really do.

Circle

and the circle continues!

1. Of posting and not posting!
2. Of smiling and hiding!
3. list goes on. But it repeats, in similar pattern!

What to make out of it, no idea.

Sandwich

.........that's how i feel sometimes.

Even though I love you, i care about you and i respect your opinions, at times i hate them. Cultural differences, is this what the reason is?

I ask.

... the end!

Monsoon/Winter wedding blues

It's a marriage season. Everyone (enjoying prime of their youth life) seems to be getting married and settling down. Just rounded up two marriages (of someone who i bother to attend) and skipped some. Probably it's the age thing that is hitting my generation now. Slowly my friends have started tying the knot and it's building pressure for all of us who are still afraid of that ever-lasting promise (probably too strong statement here). Two of my close friends are readying up this fall, more will line up soon.

Once there was a time when job-hunting was in fashion. The working ones were putting pressure on others who were enjoying warm winter sun and watching hilarious episode of FRIENDS on any weekdays. That time-frame ended with all of us doing one thing or other. Some escaped to abroad with excuse of education, some remained behind rushing through 9-10. Without a clue, bang: here is the marriage season now. Probably two years down, being parent would be new fashion and those late-bloomers who are just married will feel the heat of becoming 'new dad or mom' thing.

The big question for me would be: how do i cope with this seasonal flu? Idea of tying knot is not bad actually, but just wonder about the timing and other social barriers!