Friday, September 26, 2014

the big hiatus

I thought i had another way out. Another medium to express. Or may be i thought there was no need. Many things happened in this past year, particularly:

  1. I came out to my mother. And her reaction: i think she hates him and blames him. She handled pretty well than i thought she would but still things are not all right in the paradise. We all live together now but this is becoming a challenge to manage. She doesn't treat him well and this affects him a lot. And i become a sandwich. I don't know if its the time that needs for healing or another sage talks or separation: but she needs to learn and accept of who i am and also accept him as a part of mine.
  2. Difficult year for us: it was a difficult year for us. We both have jobs and things like this or that, but stress that's coming out of everything is having impact, particularly on him, which becomes difficult to manage sometimes. How someone handles the emotions are different to each, but i feel sometimes he becomes weak in handling those negative emotions as a result we both suffer. I know he is faraway from his friends, families and et. al. and he doesn't have big circle of friends here as well which is a big source of problems as he has hardly other options to channel these emotions. Result: he expects me to lead and support him in handling which i cannot take all the load. I think this failure in expectations vs. reality often comes back to bite both of us. In addition, cultural differences still plays difficult role amongst us even after 3 years. 
  3. etc:
Looking to the future: Surviving 3 years is a milestone but how long it can go on, i don't know. I mean honestly, its not like those early days when we used to feel so lovey-dovey, and often there are times when we get bored, we get bitchy and we get angry. But then there are the moments also which outshines everything bringing smiles and happiness. The main thing is: there is that passion that wants us to go forward and be there in support when needed. May be this is how married life looks like: mixture of sunny days and thunderstorms.

I wonder how people survive 30 years of marriages, i definitely need some tips.