looking for Escapology

You think you have moved on. You have closed that chapter. You are confident that if you ever have any encounter, you can just behave things never became sour.
But when you see him, suddenly you feel weak. Suddenly thousand thoughts race through your mind. You behave like it's just another normal random day but you heart knows how vulnerable and afraid you are. After you say bye and hundreds of questions arises.

Deep down, you feel and know that in some way, still you heart races towards him.

one step closer!

you cannot contain happiness when your dear ones accept you for who you are. Yes, I came out to my sisters.

Prolly i must have done something really good in my previous life (lets just say i believe in that for fraction of seconds) so i am bestowed with such awesome friends and family members. I love you all. Only last hurdle is there. Someday soon, i hope!

P.S. i feel bad that I cannot reciprocate the same way when one of your girl friends fall for you. How do i explain this, still in search of the answers!

It's time

Seeing this video on someone's facebook wall, i couldn't stop myself from posting here.

What makes me bad boy?

That question hit me after I talked to my friend, lets call him AK, regarding Mosby. Mosby and I hung out, had some intimate moments (do you need details, i guess the word itself says more) and overall had very good time. We went to temple, movies, dinner and all a perfect date. But as i mentioned earlier, I get this feeling he is looking something substantial from me which I cannot offer him. So Mosby and I had talk about it and I made it clear that all i am looking for, at the moment, is friendship and nothing serious. I also warned him that getting addicted to me not only bad for him but for us as well. He agreed and said he understands. Coming back to talk with AK, he reminded me that he is indeed looking for that long-term thing and I could be inching forward to break his heart. He suggested me to, at least not have all those moments, which might make him fall for me, badly. Probably I might feel this that I have made things clear to Mosby but am I giving more space than required? Suddenly I start feeling panicking and thinking about slowly getting away from him. AK even suggested saying Mosby that I was cheating on my BF (which AK gladly offer to play the role) and BF found out about the fooling, result: can't see him anymore. I don't want lie to end whatever we have, probably the safest way would be slowly getting away.

Talking about dinner with Mosby, he had invited his friends. So there we were, 4 of us: 3 Chinese and me. Chinese had difficulty is expressing what they mean and I had difficulty in understanding what they are meaning. Thank god, food came on time and saved my day. I just laughed where I thought I should laugh or just gave acknowledged sign. Of course one topic of our talk was: How do Nepali moves their head often giving and surprising outsiders to understand the real meaning. 

Blind Date

Have you ever gone on a blind date? I would have freaked out earlier. No names known, no photo exchanged, no information shared except few even that could be untrue. Who knows, your blind date could turn out to be completely opposite of what you except or could be a real stalker.

So today, I was on meeting then my phone beeped with message from one guy. I had heard only of that app that lets know people around based on location. So just out of curiosity i had installed the app and had left it on after seeing how it works and who are around. This guy messaged me and we had few talks. Then I had to run to another meeting, so i asked if he could give me his no. so that I can call later. For the first time,  i got NTC no from someone. Whenever I receive NCELL no, i feel like proxy no. So we exchanged our no. and I rushed to meeting. After 2 hours, i got his message saying he was waiting for the call. I finished my meeting and called him back. He was in British Council, preparing for his IELTS. We talked for a while and found out he is a Doc. and trying to go to abroad for further studies. Out of no where, without thinking anything, I just said lets meet. He was also fine with the idea. While travelling to the date, many funny thoughts came in my mind. It was my first ever blind date and so was his.

After 1 full pot of green tea and one more cup of again green tea and around 1.45 hours of talk: I felt my impulse wasn't wrong idea. We talked about so many things. While talking to him, I realized actually I am a simple, happy person with no big dreams. We shared our dreams, our hopes, our likes, our dislikes, our fun moments and all.

At the end, somewhere i felt bad about the meeting thinking about Mr. Mosby, dunno why though. But since we are not in relationship, I am a free bird.

Hope I will have some story to share about him next time. Also a lesson: sometimes blind date could be fun :)

Meet the Chinese Mosby

On 20th day since my last relationship faltered, I went out on a date. He is a Chinese guy working here for some random company. Some of my friends think its okay to go out, meet people and see the world from fresh perspective. I hope that's true, I listened to them, to myself and to the world. So finally after trotting on online dating site for a while, having some useless and stupid conversation and some interesting ones, finally it happened. We talked, first over message, then on phone. He doesn't have perfect accented English but what the hell, a coffee can do no harm. So we met and rest what happened you know the story.

So why i called him Mosby, do you watch US sitcom called How I Met Your Mother? There is this main character named Ted Mosby who falls for girl on first date ending up proclaiming how much he loved her. My Chinese Mosby (hereafter Mosby only) also showed similar characters. First date: coffee, talks, dinner, drink and more talks: His simple question left me awkward and uneasy. Do you think i have got a chance to be in a relationship with you in future? 


How was I supposed to answer? Of course i have dillydally answer but still I am amazed and surprised by Mosby. Except real Ted Mosby, who would ask such question? His gestures like meeting my friends, listening to me, trying to explain his side of the story, showing sign of jealousy over my past (wishing why he didn't meet me earlier) etc. is making me feel weird.

Here I am, barely 20 days since the end of last relationship, new guy talking about new possibilities. Am I that stupid or that lucky or that good looking? Only the future shall tell.

Yes, he keeps calling, messaging and reminding me he is out there. But the fact is, he is a foreigner and one day he will leave. Or if all these were for real, would it be a rebound thing or for real thing? Probably I should stop thinking more!

Also as my friend suggested: I should be clear from the beginning about what I want and what he can expect from me. But in the mean time, few cups of coffee won't hurt anyone. Probably coming weekend, I should take him to zoo. To show the animal side of me :D

first date

On you first date: would you choose to meet your date's friends for drinks? If you ask me, honestly I would be saying, next time. But no it was he who proposed the idea of meeting my friends. We started hanging out at 3 thinking it's just a coffee date. Enjoyed sleeping under sun at the Garden of Dreams, had coffee and walked around, again had famous tea of Shri Gha and again walked. We just kept on walking and at 5 he said lets go to dinner. My first reaction: It's just 5 not even 6. So we again walked, talked more and by 7 we had finished our dinner. So I called our friends and talked mostly about telecom and power which was beyond mine and my friend's understanding (i am sure). But bravo my friends, they kept on talking and pretending to understand what my date is talking about. It was hilarious to see.

My lesson: Language is not a big barrier. Probably he doesn't have fluent English but he knows what to say when :)

friends are here.

Talking to each other for more than 6 months, someone to whom you feel comfortable enough to share your pains and gains and finally meeting him and spending night out (jeez, don't use your dirty mind). It was more wonderful than I had imagined it would be. Talking till late night, hearing his stories (again in person), telling my stories, bitching about some people, talking about wishes and thoughts, watching movie and getting sense of someone will be there as I feel his warmth and emotions. Probably we slept hardly for 3 hours but still I feel super fresh and hopefully he does feel same. The perfect thing about the whole thing was: It was pure friendship emotions and nothing else.
Yes I am in travelling mode again. This time it will be for a week, checking out Eastern Beauty :P

a dream that wasn't a dream!

Had been away, hence no update posts. Started scribbling diary, gifted by someone years back so that I could pen down my feelings towards her. I left that diary untouched and this week, I used it to vent out my frustration.

Today had a strange dream: I had forgotten about my Health and Physical exam which was supposed to be starting the moment i had remembered. Funny thing was that the subject was my minor subject till my high school days. Once I was graduate of high school, I left it during my undergrads and my PG is something else not even closely related to health or physical. But in dream, I was scared if my carelessness would cost me one more year at my Grad School. I was so scared and worried, one of my friend reminded me that since i have already missed to report time I should stop worrying about the exam. After a while I remembered this subject is no longer my subject and I don't even have to appear for the exam. Then I also heard that the exam had been postponed anyway.

This dream made me think over again about Sid. Is Sid like my Health and Physical subject which I thought was  very important for me but actually it's not that way? Is he my lost dream? Only time will tell. Time will tell.

But one important lesson learned: Silence is the most painful. It pains and brings so many questions but answers remain elusive. 

Day 1

Breakups, no matter how short lived relationships are or how easily done, they are always ugly.

Woke up with sense of hopelessness, emptiness and hollow. Am i turning into zombie?

P.S. i guess this blog is going to be diary of a wimpy heartbroken. :(