I was doing great. Making plans. Estimating costs and budgets. All the preparations for moving in with Erik. Even house hunting.
And suddenly, i feel guilty for doing all these. And end result: Now I am feeling low.
Is it my selfishness to seek happiness forgetting the culture i grew up with? Is it so bad to leave the house and family (especially mom) and go live with someone else? Does it mean if i leave my house for certain time, i love my family less? Do i have to sacrifice all my dreams, hope and happiness to make someone happy but not me? Is this a sign of bad son who is not afraid to seek his happiness hoping his family will be with him, be happy with him and be there with him: when he needs most or less.Or this expectation itself is faulty given the social and cultural structure here?
But leaving house doesn't mean not going back to home. Every weekend, I will be home. Sharing my time with family. Rest days, yes i will be away from home. Live with someone else.
But then again, someday i might leave this country for work, for other reasons. Go somewhere else seeking my own happiness. You might have your own justification, reasons, logic etc. But I will still be hunted everywhere I go, with same questions: Is it so bad to seek your happiness first?
And suddenly, i feel guilty for doing all these. And end result: Now I am feeling low.
Is it my selfishness to seek happiness forgetting the culture i grew up with? Is it so bad to leave the house and family (especially mom) and go live with someone else? Does it mean if i leave my house for certain time, i love my family less? Do i have to sacrifice all my dreams, hope and happiness to make someone happy but not me? Is this a sign of bad son who is not afraid to seek his happiness hoping his family will be with him, be happy with him and be there with him: when he needs most or less.Or this expectation itself is faulty given the social and cultural structure here?
But leaving house doesn't mean not going back to home. Every weekend, I will be home. Sharing my time with family. Rest days, yes i will be away from home. Live with someone else.
But then again, someday i might leave this country for work, for other reasons. Go somewhere else seeking my own happiness. You might have your own justification, reasons, logic etc. But I will still be hunted everywhere I go, with same questions: Is it so bad to seek your happiness first?
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