was waiting for Sid. As always he was running late and I had nothing to do. So i ventured inside my favorite book store in the down, smelling the smell of new books, feeling the covers and reading the synopsis, I spent next 1.5 hours there. And feeling obliged I got a book for myself as well.
It began to drizzle when I got text confirming he was around the place. So I stepped outside and went to the place where we usually meet (whenever he is late). As I was waiting for him, suddenly a fear grasped me and I don't know why i felt so.
Unknowingly i counted my age and felt so afraid that within next few years all of my friends would be happily married and their children would be calling me uncle. And I felt all alone that may be, may be I won't have that happiness. But i consoled myself saying there is always an option of adoption or surrogate child if I become that desperate and nothing works as planned. Then another thought hit me, probably when I am 70s then I will be all alone, with no one beside me and sharing my happiness or pain. I again consoled myself saying who guarantees that I would live that long or what's the guarantee that marriage would ensure that happiness for others? But still somewhere it kept hitting me may be, if i have child, may be they would stand by me. Just a may be thought.
Quiet strange thought that overpowered me. I had never ever thought this way. When I shared this fear to Sid, all he did was laugh. Probably he could relate to my fear or thought I am just stupid one or god-knows-what. He didn't explain and I didn't pursue.
It began to drizzle when I got text confirming he was around the place. So I stepped outside and went to the place where we usually meet (whenever he is late). As I was waiting for him, suddenly a fear grasped me and I don't know why i felt so.
Unknowingly i counted my age and felt so afraid that within next few years all of my friends would be happily married and their children would be calling me uncle. And I felt all alone that may be, may be I won't have that happiness. But i consoled myself saying there is always an option of adoption or surrogate child if I become that desperate and nothing works as planned. Then another thought hit me, probably when I am 70s then I will be all alone, with no one beside me and sharing my happiness or pain. I again consoled myself saying who guarantees that I would live that long or what's the guarantee that marriage would ensure that happiness for others? But still somewhere it kept hitting me may be, if i have child, may be they would stand by me. Just a may be thought.
Quiet strange thought that overpowered me. I had never ever thought this way. When I shared this fear to Sid, all he did was laugh. Probably he could relate to my fear or thought I am just stupid one or god-knows-what. He didn't explain and I didn't pursue.
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